How difficult it is for children to lose graciously
How do you teach children to lose graciously? Wherever you look in this society, everybody is running a race. We are teaching our children that only “the best” counts. That losing is wrong. We praise our children for being successful, give them grades, and when they are not successful we are disappointed. Our educational system sorts our children on intellect, sports performance, and externals.
The result is
Those children are going to be unreasonably mad when they are losing a game or a contest which reaches totally beyond their capability. That is not odd because we have taught them exactly this behavior by telling them from their earliest age that winning is important.
Let them feel
- unconditional love
- their inner beauty
- they are important, whatever they accomplish
Let them know you appreciate their
- love
- empathy
- helpfulness
- attention
- sensitivity
- self-confidence
Stop the rat race and the pressure to perform by
- shifting your attention of the winning part to the sentient part.
- teaching children that mutual contact is more important than winning.
- playing a lot of games and emphasize the atmosphere around it.
- applauding the entire team, not just the one that scores.
- pricing the intention, despite the result.
- taking out the competition element.
You teach children to lose graciously by giving them unconditional love and attention. They do not to compete for your love by performing the way you want them to.
And do not ever tell your children:
- you ARE naughty,
- or you ARE stupid,
- or you ARE unpleasant
I even heard a father say: “You are a pain in the ass.”
Tell them your BEHAVIOR is naughty, or what you DO is unacceptable, or what you DID was a bit stupid.
Because what they ARE and what they DO are two completely different things. It is very important you give your children self-confidence by telling them constantly who they are. And that you are leading them in their behavior
Teach children to lose graciously
by telling them who they are
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This is such an important and thought provoking post. So many people are teaching their children that winning is everything which makes the children feel like losers if they don’t come in first and it can be heartbreaking. Thank you! Kristina
Hello Kristina, thank you for your great reply, it strikes me that even in schools, 1st, 2nd and 3rd prizes will be given to creative works, recently they had T-shirt painting, and they made of it a competition with prizes, that is in my eyes way too far and uncalled for,and make children unnecessary sad, while they should be glad and proud on their self-painted shirt, Loes