Quite a heavy subject to write about, what is parenting? Because every parent is convinced of doing it right, and they are! Given the knowledge they have in store.
Raising children need skills. You can’t just take a child without any previous preparation. It is doomed to failure. When I go to a hairdresser to cut my hair, I expect at least that person has followed an education of four years. When the child is born, the mother is also born . What does your child expect?
When you are ready to start a family of your own, you will come in an acceleration of tips, advices and arrangements to make. Everybody around you seems to know more than you do. About what to buy, what to read and how the pregnancy will go and childbirth will feel. You may or may not go to the gym, what supplements to take. Take every advice in consideration and decide for yourself which one to follow.
There will be advices to give birth in a bath, but when you hate taking a bath in the first place, don’t follow this well-intentioned advice. Be sure you find for yourself the most comfortable and safe place to give birth to your child.
Do you need to go to a course to learn the skills about parenting?
Or do you need to read some books to learn how to become a good parent? Most of your parenting skills you learn from your Mom and Dad. How did they manage to get you where you are right now?
What are your thoughts? Did they do a terrific job? Or do you want to be a totally different parent for your child? When you want to do it totally different, it might be advisable to get yourself some books to read or trainings to follow, because the only thing you are taught is the way your own parents have done the parenting. And when you don’t learn how to educate your children in a better way, it’s quite common you will fall back into the same habits you want to avoid.
Parenting tips for toddlers
What do you need to address fermly and consequently when your toddler is between the 2 and 4 years of age.
I always go out from the situation that the child is 14-16 years of age, what kind of behaviour you want then, you address in the toddler time.
- Throwing with toys
- Rude talking back
- Respect for the surrounding and environment
- Kicking and beating
- Respect for food
- Tidy on clothing
- Pick up toys
- Sleeping in own room
- Quietly and softly talking outside
- Hygiene and potty training
Can you imagine when your don’t learn these 10 things to your toddler, what kind of behaviour your teenager will develope?
Positive discipline is rewarding good behaviour. As you can see in the video’s positive behaviour is being rewarded with balls and negative behaviour is punished with a time-out.
I use big thumb charts to reward the children for positive behaviour, and when they have 50 thumbs up, they will be rewarded extra for it.
There is no such thing as bad parenting. There is only such thing as a bad education about how to parent your child. And you become only a bad parent, when you see something is going wrong, and you refuse to learn all about it how to put things right.
And when it goes wrong, they do not have a reset button
To educate and socialize your children as a single parent can be quite challanging. Try to make good agreements with other care takers about parenting your children. Don’t ever make the mistake to start parenting outof guilt.
* read she, her or herself when it concerns a girl.
Parenting Style 1: Authoritarian
An authoritarian parenting style is characterized by a lot of rules. The parent is the boss and the child must obey. When the child does not follow the rules? Then he will be punished. Authoritarian parents do not explain the rules and give no room for discussion.
A child knows precisely what his parents expected of him. His parents are clearly in charge and decide what happens. Some children may (temporarily) benefit from an authoritarian upbringing.
A child may be frightened and docile by an authoritarian upbringing. Or rather rebellious and aggressive. In any case, a child develops low self-esteem and little independence. He doesn’t learn to reason why he wants something and can have difficulties to make the right decisions for himself. This kind of parenting can cause many worries. As the child grows, he will increasingly try to withdraw himself from his parents.
Parenting Style 2: Permissive
Indulgent parents have a huge attention to the wishes and needs of their child. They give their child in almost everyting his way. In fact, the child is in control and there are few demands on him. Parents who use this style, take their children seriously but themselves not (or at least their own rules not). You often see that the parents want to be their childrens best friend.
In this method of educating the parent and child are equivalent. Causes very few conflicts: the child can do(almost) everything.
Child of permissive parents are spoiled and don’t get boundries. The child gets little feedback, and doesn’t learn to consider others. Moreover, he doesn’t learn to deal with his emotions and to control himself, he can be sad, impulsive and aggressive. If the child goes to puberty, the educators may lose their influence.
Note from the writer: As a parent you need to take responsibility to lead your child away from making bad choices. You are the parent, not the best friend. So you have to act like a parent!
Parenting Style 3: Democratic (also called authoritative)
Parents set the rules and at the same time pay attention to the wishes and needs of their child are democratic or authoritative educators. They lead with love, take into account the development of their child and consult with their child. The rules that they make with them are justified with arguments. The child is supported and encouraged. Give your child love, without accepting any crap. And be sure that a boundary is not always a constraint. This kind of parenting is working with flexible boundries.
This parenting style promotes self-confidence and independence of the child. The child is respected as a person and his development is followed. There is mutual openness between child and caregiver. Children who are raised in this way are often happier and do better in school. They have fewer behavioral problems and are more resilient against the negative influence of some peers.
The democratic parenting style takes the most time and energy of all parenting styles. The child will not obey blindly the parent. He wants to hear arguments. That engagement in conversation takes time and patience. Parents and children must accept that their opinions do not always agree. The danger is that a child will be free and emancipated. And parents just keep talking and arguing to maintain instead of boundaries. With this kind of parenting, it can get outof hand when your child has a very persistent personality.
Parenting Style 4: neglectful
There are also educators who neglect their child. They make few rules. They provide little security, support, safety and engagement. The child is left to his fate: he can figure it all out all by himself.
Parenting like this is an escape to any responsibility in relation to the child.
Not much advantages. To pay no attention to a child is easy. A parent like that has many time for himself and his work.
A neglectful caregiver learns his child nothing. The child doesn’t learn what is wise or fair. With as result, the child is at risk of coming into contact with the wrong friends. In any case the child brought up in this way feels himself lonely, abandoned and unloved.
Top 10 parenting tips for what is parenting
Which choices will liquify into a disaster.
Mistake number # 1
Playing with your mobile, or from behind your computer and nod your head, or just keep watching TV while your child talks to you.
Your child will translate it into: I am not important.
Mistake number # 2
Criticism and condemnation to comment on the behavior of your child. What’s wrong with you? How many times do I have to tell you? Pulling a face displeasure. Recognition is the first step in the education.
Tell them, you understand what they go through, give recognition to the feelings of the child.
Mistake number # 3
Get angry when your child makes mistakes or if something fails then telling them that if it would have listened to you it would not have become such a mess.
Better tell them, I understand what went wrong, can I help you to set things right again?
Mistake number # 4
Too busy with your own pursuits and have no time to spend time alone with your child.
Make sure you have quality time with your kids. Enjoy the time you spend together, it goes faster than you think. Before you know it they left the house.
Mistake number # 5
The boss of your child.
Give your children choices or use humor. Let them in their own way of doing things, as long as it is not dangerous. Parents are here to educate children and to ensure their safety until they can do this themselves.
Mistake number # 6
Worrying about what others think and tell your children that the approval of others is important.
Teach your children to stop, before they do something and ask themselves, “What are the consequences if I do this” This skill will help them tremendously in their growing up. Imagine yourself, that your own child, a teenager, stops himself wondering, “What will be the result of unprotected sex?” “Or if I take this drug ” or if I drink and drive? “Or if I don’t study for an exam?”
Do you understand that these questions are much more important than “what will people say?”
Mistake no. # 7
To give your child only recognition for what he does.
Acknowledge your children for who they are, their qualities and character, not only for what they are doing. Tell your children that you’re happy to see them. You’ll find it delicious to spend time with them. It’s a joy to be with them. They are cozy and nice and they make you laugh. You feel at ease with them. That you love to look at them as they have fun with their brother or friend (s)
Acknowledge their trip, not only to their final destination. Their strength and dignity does not depend on what your child does.
I love you no matter what you perform. “
Mistake number # 8
Blindly take advice from family, friends or even experts. ”
Always ask yourself, “What effect would have it on my child as I frequently do or say what this person (friend, expert) tells me to do?”
Mistake number # 9
Tell your children that they should not cry or get angry.
Validate the feelings of your children. Say things like: “I know you feel sad at this time” or “That must really have hurt when …….” Or “You’re angry because I ………”
After validating feelings you can say, I advise you … .. because I love you. “If you reflect the feelings of your children back, they learn to honor their own feelings.
Mistake number # 10
Leave your child alone, walk away from your child. Let them emotionally alone.
Let your children know that you love them, unconditionally (that there exist no circumstance in which you would not love them) and that you are never angry with them. You’re just angry at what they have done (their behavior). Children feel totally different depending on what you say.
Avoid in any case to tell them: you are bad, or you are stupid. Or in the worse case, to say: I hate you. Tell them instead, what you did was wrong, and what you said was not that smart. And I hate it when you behave like that.
Embrace and hug your children often and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Let them know that their behavior is not always good, but you will always love them.
Parent tips for reading, books about
“What is parenting”
Having a baby is a life-changer. It gives you a whole other perspective on why you wake up every day. Taylor Hanson
At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents. Jane D. Hull
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Charles R. Swindoll
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P. J. O’Rourke
Children should have enough freedom to be themselves – once they’ve learned the rules. Anna Quindlen
Read more at Brainyquote.com
Teach the children well,
and we can change the future in a decade